"All the single ladies, All the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies now put your hands up!"
*Amber raises hand*
Before I go any further, let me say that the following blog is going to be very honest. I am pouring out the feelings and thoughts that have been in my heart and mind for several months. Whether you agree or disagree with any of the following things is completely up to you. If this helps anybody, then wonderful! If it turns out to be a complete waste of your time, then I apologize. For me, this post is nothing more than a public therapy session. (Completely free, I might add cause I am a broke college student!) So here it goes. You have been warned.
I have been single for almost 21 years. Only in the past two years has it really started to have an effect on me. But can you really blame me? When I go out to festivals or the movies or even the grocery store and see these kids, barely in high school or junior high, holding hands and being a couple, it makes me somewhat frustrated. They can get a date and I can't? When I know the people I am around on a daily basis are being intimate with someone else, I won't lie and say that I don't get a little envious because I do. The absolute worst is when I take the plunge and confess my feelings to that person, and they are not returned. Literally, that is the story of the "romantic" portion of my life. One would think that all these risks that I have taken would eventually work out, but alas, they have not.
"God will bring the perfect one for you in His timing."
"You are a very independent person, and most guys can't or don't know how to handle that. Eventually the one who can will come along."
"Maybe if you lowered your standards, you could find one."
The above are all phrases I have heard countless times from multiple people. The first two I believe 100%. The last is something I laugh at. I appreciate the honest and sincerity that is behind those statements, but still hearing them over and over again, I think I've become numb to them.
So for the past two years I've struggled with wondering what was wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Why not me? Maybe I am not smart enough. I am most definitely not pretty enough. Perhaps, I am annoying, and I am one of those people that is destined to be single for the rest of her life. I suppose I should go ahead and get a jump start on being a dog lady. I guess they can just go right ahead and put spinster on my headstone. I have thought all those things......
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How many times did I use the word, "I" or "me" in the paragraph just before? A dozen flippin times!! It was this morning through a wonderful message preached by Pastor Warren Johnson at Grace Baptist Church that God suddenly opened my eyes to the harsh truth: my attitude sucks! I have been wanting a relationship for the purpose of satisfying my fleshly emotions and desires. Yes, of course, I wanted God to be a part of it, but I was giving Him a part that was quite minimal! That is such a selfish and shallow view to have of relationships. Beautiful relationships that are worth more than the finest jewels are relationships that have a purpose of furthering the kingdom of God. If I am only wanting to be with someone for the physical, I am going to be sorely disappointed when the relationship doesn't work out exactly how I planned or wanted.
I have decided to stop worrying about my solitude, because the reality is I am not alone! I serve and follow a God whose love is deeper than the deepest ocean, higher than the tallest mountain, and wider than the widest valley!! If I truly want the best relationship and marriage possible, I don't need to be chasing after every cute guy that walks into church or past me in the halls. I need to be chasing God and counting on Him to bring me someone who will make me chase after spiritual things even faster and harder!!
So to all my friends that had to listen to me vent and whine and complain, I FINALLY figured it out!! Thank you for sticking with me.
To the young girls and guys reading this, learn this valuable lesson as soon as possible. It will save you so much heart ache and emotions that could be better spent on something else. It will also save you a ton of time!! Time that I promise will be better spent building a stronger relationship with God. Please don't start dating a guy just because you feel lonely, or because you want to get away from your family situation, or you want to be intimate. Date a guy because he inspires you to be a better Christian. Date him because you feel the Lord's peace when you're with him; and above all, put God first in the relationship. Do this and be amazed at the blessings God gives you!!
If you made it this far, thanks! Don't judge my feelings and wrong behavior too harshly.
Oh, and I promise to begin writing on a regular basis.
Until next time,
Ammer Hammer
"All the single ladies, all the single ladies. All the single ladies, all the single ladies, put your hands up!"
*Amber leaves her hands down and dances like a goofball*
